“In the beginning God created.” And if he took the time to create, surely he will take care of you. Father, thank you for being who you are, the creator, sustainer, and giver of life. Be with us today, and provide safety, protection, wisdom, and understanding as we step out into this world of uncertainty, knowing that you have us. Be with Kathy in her endeavors, be with her friends, and provide safe travels as they travel by train to visit her, be with her daughters, son-in-law, and grandson. And finally, grant her and me wisdom, understanding, and love as we embark on this new relationship. I asked all this in Jesus’ name, amen.

1. Purple is her favorite color 💜
2. Loves cuddling 🤗
3. Will suck your tears away (be prepared!) 😳
4. Loves to travel ✈️
5. Love to give out hugs 🤗
6. Keeps Smiling 😁
7. Loves the outdoors ⛺️
8. Loves God 😇
9. Loved High Heal Shoes 👠
10. Love her three bears 🧸🧸🧸
11. Loves seafood 🦀🦞🍤
12. Loves coffee ☕️
13. No eggs, Mayo; allergic! 🤢
14. Capable of taking multiple baths in one day! 🛁
15. No pork 🐷
16. Journals ✍🏾
17. Makes journals 📓
18. Paints 🎨
19. Misses her mom tremendously 😢
20. Loves the New York Giants 🏈
21. Loves cartoons 📺
22. Has overcome a lot in life 🥹
23. Loves with all her heart ❤️
24. Very photogenic 📸
25. And there’s more to learn 😁

Sometimes, you want to have someone to hang out with, do life with, or at least do things together: shopping, eating out, and checking out essential things to you or that person. Yesterday was the first time I longed for some female companionship, not for intimacy, but to be with. As I walked into Kohl’s in Arlington, a feeling of loneliness hit me that was different from other times; unlike the moments of grief or loneliness I felt from Ursula not being here, this was different. I longed for a female to talk to, laugh with, sit and have a meal with, and explore life. Today marks 16 months since she’s been gone.

Know this: that God is bigger than all your problems. Do you feel like the children of Israel who, after years of bondage, were finally free, only to come to the Red Sea with no way out? Today, your Red Sea might be the loss of a loved one, a health crisis, collapse of financies, or the end of a relationship. It can include homelessness, a job loss, or thoughts of suicide. Though there are no quick fixes or magic wands to wave over our situations, God knows, cares, and has a plan. Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV) states, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the lord, “plans to prosper you, and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Exodus 14:13 (KJV) states, “And Moses said unto the people, Fear ye not, stand still, and see the salvation of the Lord, which he will shew to you today: for the Egyptians whom ye have seen today, ye shall see them again no more forever.” Oh, the outcome of the Red Sea story; they walked through the middle of the sea on dry ground. Be blessed! 🙏🏾😇

Your life will be like two steaks: tender and tough. When life is tender and well-seasoned, it’s all gravy, baby! Everything seems to work in your favor: the right moment, opportunity, and people. Resources are in abundance. It’s good, it’s excellent, and it’s well done. “I just can’t get enough!” “Give me a double portion, please!” Contrast that with “This life is tough; I don’t want it. Please send it back!” echoes when unfavorable seasons come, you can’t cut your way through, doors close, opportunities are missed, resources dry up, and people leave. So, whatever steak you eat this season, tender or tough, know that God is in control and still with you, and he will work it out in your flavor; I mean, favor! He, he! 😁 Romans 8:28 (NASB) states: “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose.”

As I sit and ponder these last seven days, I slowly realize I want someone to share life with. Is it possible to have my cake and eat it too? Was this a blessing in disguise that has now become a burden? Did I hang my hopes too high? Did I put myself out there to have to come back with my tail between my legs? I don’t know, but that’s how it feels right now. Am I wrong for wanting someone to do and see all life offers? To laugh with, to hold, to share? Is it bad to desire another cheerleader, a social butterfly that comes along and reminds you that you have a purpose, that you are great, and that I am proud of you? Is it wrong to desire someone to do life with? Is it bad to want a change from my current situation from being alone, eating alone, shopping alone, and sometimes laughing in silence? This loneliness is what I wake up to each day. Is it wrong to want someone to check on, encourage, or cry with? Is it wrong to have someone to travel and see the world with? Am I wrong for wanting my own someone to love?

This morning, I was reminded again that I’m not Superman. I wanted to be the rescuer, but I couldn’t. I tried to fight the battle, find the tool to fix the problem and comfort the situation. I wanted to know all the details (why you couldn’t sleep), but it was none of my business. I was asked to perform a specific duty (Pray), which was the request. I did, but truthfully, that was the hardest part.

Unlike Superman, We can’t go back and rewrite the pain that people experienced, can’t stop the locomotive of loss that one feels. We are all the sum of the life we have lived. Our successes, failures, broken relationships, closed doors, and missed opportunities. Many radiate a smile and confidence on the outside but resemble crushed glass on the inside.

As I sat watching the doctor confirm Ursula’s passing, my first response was, “I don’t know what to do.” My greatest fear had entered the room and had no intention of leaving. Like most, I was not interested in grief until grief became interested in me. No one prepares you for grief; you can’t go to Starbucks, order your favorite drink, and say, “Could I also get three grief cookies, please!” Grief is not taught in school because if it were, the room would be filled with no-shows, including yours truly! And not even the church prepares you for grief. Grief is a journey that we learn as we go along. Each one will be different, and no two are alike. Now, don’t get me wrong, there are support groups that help us process our emotions and start the healing process, which I am a part of, but for me, grief is also on-the-job training; you learn as you live.

Are you constantly being weighed down thinking about your past? Does the thought of moving forward seem impossible? Does loving life, loving others, being loved, and allowing yourself to breathe again seem foreign? Do you constantly cast the fear and doubts of others onto yourself? Do thoughts and lies creep into your mind, saying you are not good, smart, or pretty enough? Then you’re in good company, at least in God’s eyes. To change your mind, you must change your thinking. (each day!) You become what you think about. (each day!) Proverbs 23:7a: “For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he.” But scripture also states in Philippians 4:8. “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, THINK on these things.” What are you thinking? 🤔

As I approached the front door of my home that night after returning from an all-day outing, I heard a loud cry, an intense wailing. I immediately unlocked the door, turned off the alarm, and headed upstairs. With each step, the cry became louder and more intense. As I approached my youngest daughter’s room, she was on her knees, bent over her bed, and looking at a picture of her mom on her phone. Though I stepped in, she never looked up but continued to cry and stared at the picture. My first thought was to grab her hand, take her out of the room, and tell her everything would be ok, but I didn’t because it wasn’t. I realized she didn’t want a positive word. She didn’t want a scripture, a prayer, or God himself. She wanted her momma. She didn’t want a vision of her; she wanted her. As her dad, the provider, protector, preacher, and fixer, there was nothing I could do; there was no tool I could get or no restart button I could push; I couldn’t rip open my shirt and say “This is a job for Superman!” I never felt as helpless and hopeless because I wanted the same thing. As her crying continued, I walked down to my bedroom, closed the door, and started crying.