Imagine you entered a shoe store that only sold size 10 shoes. You can buy any brand in any color, from sneakers to casuals to dress shoes, as long as they are size 10. For the person who wears a size 10, “hallelujah, “Yeah, this is my store.” But for all the rest of us, including myself (I wear a size 14), I would be like, wait, what? That doesn’t make sense! What’s going on here? A one-size shoe store would be ludicrous and unprofitable because not everyone wears the same size. Like the size 10 shoe analogy, there is no one-size-fits-all to grief. Everyone’s journey will be different; no two are alike. There is no “right” or “wrong way to grieve. What has worked for me and my loss will not work for everybody. Grief is a personal journey. Our journey will differ based on our relationship with that person, our personality and coping styles, our upbringing, cultural differences, personal beliefs, and the circumstances surrounding the loss.

As you travel this journey, you will experience moments when you wonder if this is normal. Am I really grieving? Should I be done with this stage? It seems that others are further along than I am. During those moments, take a deep breath, give yourself some grace, and remember this is a journey. Everyone’s grief will be different because there is no size 10 shoe.

In October of 2023, I lost my wife of twenty-eight years, Ursula, during a brief hospital stay. And as some of you know, losing a spouse is one of the most painful experiences imaginable. In fact, the Holmes and Rahe Life Stress Inventory (which rates stress levels in life-changing events) states that the death of a spouse is the #1 life-changing event with a stress score of 100.

During this journey, I’ve experienced grief, shock, fear, confusion, lack of sleep, and anger. I also had to painfully accept that the life I knew before her death no longer exists, and now I must prayerfully chart a new path. But in the midst of my pain, at the lowest point of my life, God revealed his purpose (though I wouldn’t have chosen this) and the path I must now walk. This page has been created to share that path. My message for all those who have experienced loss: “Your life is not over, you haven’t been given a death sentence, there’s still life to live, love to give, laughs to share, and people to serve.” “Your purpose still matters.”

Through coaching, speaking, writing, and videos, I desire to share my journey with you so that together we might find life, love, laughter, and the ability to serve others who have lost purpose during their season of loss.

I experienced some funny and interesting things today during my trip. (This is all true) Enjoy! 😁

I struggled to walk from one TSA Pre-Check gate to another. It was as if everyone was running, and I was standing still. Man, I was struggling!

After my trip through the body scanner, I was putting on my belt when I overheard a passenger and some TSA agents discussing what was in his bag: a knife, a hatchet, and a small crowbar! 👀 😱 😶

As I took care of my business in the men’s restroom before boarding, I looked up towards the ceiling and saw red or green lights over each stall. I didn’t know if I was supposed to stop or continue! 😁

The airplane seat I chose was the aisle seat in the plane’s last row. Man, that lavatory duty was something else! 😅🚽

Well, at least my seat belt connected this time without Eddie the Extension assistance! 😁

After asking for hot coffee, I let down the snack tray, only to discover my stomach acted as the tray on which to rest the snack tray! 😁

We sat for about 45 minutes after boarding to get weight restriction clearance. Man, I thought I was going to be asked to get off! 😁

Fear creeps in when God takes us from the familiar to the unfamiliar. The children of Israel were in Egyptian bondage for centuries; this was all that they knew. The taskmaster’s constant pressure to produce bricks without straw placed tremendous toil on their minds, bodies, and souls. God sent Moses to deliver his people. Following the plagues in Egypt, Pharaoh released them so they could go and worship God in the desert. They left the familiarity of bondage behind, only to be confronted with an unfamiliar future ahead. The Red Sea represented their future; in contrast, the pursuit of Pharaoh’s army represented their past. As their past caught up with them, and the thought of having no way out, the idea of dying in the desert started to consume them.

When we leave what’s familiar—family, friends, community, the way of life as we know it—fear will rear its ugly head. The thoughts of what if, I’m not qualified, I’m not good enough, or what others will think can consume us and cause us to look back and desire the past. But to go where we have never been, and to see all that God has for us, we must be willing to step out into the unfamiliar. This step, my friend, takes faith. Are you willing to step out into the unfamiliar to find your familiar?

“We only know you as Daddy!” was the statement echoed by my daughters as we sat talking in the kitchen that day. This was about a year following Ursula’s passing, so initially my response was shock, with a mixed attitude. What do you mean, you know nothing about me, I’ve been here, I’m your daddy? How do you not know? “That’s it, ” one of my daughters replied. “We don’t know anything about you before marrying Momma and being our daddy. As I pondered those statements, the seeds of this truth slowly began to take root over the next few days. Though I had lived under the same roof, sacrificed, provided discipline, and encouraged my children, they did not know me. They knew nothing of my past, my upbringing, parents, relatives, schooling, or even previous relationships; in essence, I had no history before being their daddy. It seems I just showed up one day from somewhere, to do this thing called fatherhood.

Now, in all fairness, a lot of this can be attributed to my parents’ early passing. My dad passed away

As I listened to this song this morning, my thoughts went to you. Through all you’ve been through—the pain, the setbacks, and failures—you still find a reason to smile, 😁 you still find a way to encourage yourself, and when you do, it radiates to those around you who need the same thing: a smile. Thank you for being you; it has made all the difference in so many lives, including mine. 🙏🏾❤️😇 Oh one more thing: “Keep Smiling” 😁

“In the beginning God created.” And if he took the time to create, surely he will take care of you. Father, thank you for being who you are, the creator, sustainer, and giver of life. Be with us today, and provide safety, protection, wisdom, and understanding as we step out into this world of uncertainty, knowing that you have us. Be with Kathy in her endeavors, be with her friends, and provide safe travels as they travel by train to visit her, be with her daughters, son-in-law, and grandson. And finally, grant her and me wisdom, understanding, and love as we embark on this new relationship. I asked all this in Jesus’ name, amen.

1. Purple is her favorite color 💜
2. Loves cuddling 🤗
3. Will suck your tears away (be prepared!) 😳
4. Loves to travel ✈️
5. Love to give out hugs 🤗
6. Keeps Smiling 😁
7. Loves the outdoors ⛺️
8. Loves God 😇
9. Loved High Heal Shoes 👠
10. Love her three bears 🧸🧸🧸
11. Loves seafood 🦀🦞🍤
12. Loves coffee ☕️
13. No eggs, Mayo; allergic! 🤢
14. Capable of taking multiple baths in one day! 🛁
15. No pork 🐷
16. Journals ✍🏾
17. Makes journals 📓
18. Paints 🎨
19. Misses her mom tremendously 😢
20. Loves the New York Giants 🏈
21. Loves cartoons 📺
22. Has overcome a lot in life 🥹
23. Loves with all her heart ❤️
24. Very photogenic 📸
25. And there’s more to learn 😁

Sometimes, you want to have someone to hang out with, do life with, or at least do things together: shopping, eating out, and checking out essential things to you or that person. Yesterday was the first time I longed for some female companionship, not for intimacy, but to be with. As I walked into Kohl’s in Arlington, a feeling of loneliness hit me that was different from other times; unlike the moments of grief or loneliness I felt from Ursula not being here, this was different. I longed for a female to talk to, laugh with, sit and have a meal with, and explore life. Today marks 16 months since she’s been gone.

Know this: that God is bigger than all your problems. Do you feel like the children of Israel who, after years of bondage, were finally free, only to come to the Red Sea with no way out? Today, your Red Sea might be the loss of a loved one, a health crisis, collapse of financies, or the end of a relationship. It can include homelessness, a job loss, or thoughts of suicide. Though there are no quick fixes or magic wands to wave over our situations, God knows, cares, and has a plan. Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV) states, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the lord, “plans to prosper you, and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Exodus 14:13 (KJV) states, “And Moses said unto the people, Fear ye not, stand still, and see the salvation of the Lord, which he will shew to you today: for the Egyptians whom ye have seen today, ye shall see them again no more forever.” Oh, the outcome of the Red Sea story; they walked through the middle of the sea on dry ground. Be blessed! 🙏🏾😇