Change

When Ursula passed away, the life I knew passed away too. As the days and months started adding up, I longed for my old life, the good old days, the life I could be set by a watch. But over the days, months, and years, that life slowly faded into a memory, while a new life was unfolding in my day-to-day actions. And for the first time, I started embracing this new life, this new normal, different from the one I had come to know.

When your spouse dies, the life you knew dies too. Going from a life you could predict and set your watch by to a life you couldn’t predict or ask for didn’t ask for, and that’s the most difficult part: immediate changes. The life that you knew cannot be predicted, but like most of us, we long for the life and the only life we know. “This is what I know, this is how we’ve always done it!” But over the days, months, and even years, life as we knew it slowly fades into a memory, while our day-to-day actions change. And for the first time, we must slowly step forward into this new life, a different life from the one we once knew.

To most of the outside world, life with your spouse was the only life they knew, and to some, change is forgetting, change is digressing, change is moving backwards. The fact that you are choosing to move forward is a complete betrayal of trust. How dare you, how could you, why are you doing things differently? This is the life I know, and you need to keep it that way! or else I’m out!! Is it not good enough? What are you thinking? You need to keep things the way they are, the way they were; this is not right. You are dishonoring the very thing that you work so hard to build. to build. one you built this life with

Case in point. For me, Ursula was the master cook. Preparing meals was her gift, her therapy, her thing. “Prepare a five-course meal, no problem!” Many times, as I came into the house, I would stop by my favorite room in the kitchen, and there would be food in glass dishes covered in foil on top of the stove

I longed for the five-course meals, the intimate moments, the hugs that reminded me that I’m proud of you and that you’re going to be ok. The walks through Marshall’s Ross, Hobby Lobby, Kirkland’s, Tuesday Morning, and many other stores where we shopped. Losing Ursula didn’t end my life; it just changed it. People don’t know what to do with you I have also learned that following a lose people sometimes don’t know what to do with you.

Under Construction

Losing a spouse eventually forces you to start rebuilding. It’s about moving forward and constructing a life that’s different from the one that you knew, the one that no longer exists. It requires self-discovery, stepping out of your comfort zone, facing your fears, and confronting dormant misbeliefs. Who am I? What will I do? Where will I go? Who are my friends? What is my purpose? Is life, love, and laughter still possible? Can I learn new things and find different ways to serve others? Can I rebuild without feeling guilt, shame, or betrayal?

It’s about surveying the life and years you have remaining and coming up with a plan, a blueprint, of what now. God, what will I do now? God takes you through to prepare you too.