“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28)
“This is why you came here, to drive,” echoed in my spirit as I sat slumped in the company car, angry, discouraged, feeling sorry for myself, and wanting to quit. Two weeks had passed since I was demoted from my office job as a lead/shift manager back to being a driver. Honestly, I shouldn’t have been surprised, but still, it caught me off guard. The demotion wasn’t because I had violated company policy. Nor was I disliked as an employee, no, but in the eyes of some, I was too nice, too soft, too John! And honestly, I was! They wanted more toughness and accountability with the drivers, and I didn’t want to babysit! So when I arrived at work that morning, I learned that after two and a half years as a lead, I was placed back into the driver’s seat: no notice, no meeting, no nothing. Scheduled change, decision made, take it or leave it. Now, in all fairness, a few other leads, for different reasons, also faced a similar fate but chose to quit rather than accept what was viewed as the “Ultimate Demotion.” I was angry. As the days passed, I struggled to come to grips with the decision. I felt like a complete failure, having let so many people down, especially my family. It was challenging and embarrassing trying to explain how a grown-ass man lost his position and was now back to clicking seat belts. Not to mention the two to three hundred dollars I lost in weekly pay, Ouch! As I stated before, I thought of quitting. But I enjoyed driving; It was my therapy, and now God had reminded me of why I came here. To drive.
Back in the Driver’s Seat
Emmanuel: “God with us.” In every moment of our lives, God is with us. Even in the darkest moments of pain and suffering, our all-knowing, all-wise, all-loving Father hasn’t forsaken us, but loves us and has a plan for us. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11 NIV) God knew the storm that lay ahead and prepared me for its impact by placing me back in the driver’s seat. Driving became a big part of my healing journey. It gave me moments of solitude to pray, reminisce, grieve, and find encouragement through experiences and conversations with passengers that would never have been possible working as a lead. Case in point: one day, following a passenger drop-off, I was near the church where Ursula and I were married. Driving into the parking lot, I reminisced about our wedding day as I grieved her loss. Another time, I ended up across the street from Ursula’s final workplace. As I drove into the circular driveway, I reminisced about the many times I picked her up and we went for lunch. Finally, being stationed in the parking lot of the shopping center (the company is no longer in business), where we purchased our wedding rings. These, along with numerous conversations with passengers, gave me time to reminisce, reflect, and grieve. What I saw as the “Ultimate Demotion,” God used to help me navigate my grief.
So what does this all mean?
Right now, you might be facing a demotion, not as I faced, but a cutting away, a change, a shift in your life. that you didn’t see coming. It could be a job loss, a divorce, loss of a loved one, or financial ruin. You might feel the mistakes of your past have finally caught up with you,
After killing an Egyptian, Moses fled Egypt and spent 40 years in exile in Midian as a shepherd. It was there, on the backside of the mountain, some 40 years later, operating in a lonely shepherd role, that God’s purpose was revealed to him. God appeared to him in a burning bush and instructed him to “go back” to Egypt to lead the Israelites out of slavery. This return to the place of his past failure was necessary for him to fulfill his future calling as a leader. Moses 40 years of exile were God’s 40 years of preparation.
The nine months before Ursula’s passing were my Midian, my backside-of-the-mountain experience, my preparation. God allowed the demotion, not only to prepare me for Ursula’s loss but also to serve as a catalyst for revealing my purpose. “Life doesn’t end when your spouse dies. God doesn’t give you a death sentence to live out but life to live, love to give, laughs to share, and people to serve.” Amazingly, God has turned my darkest days into a remarkable strength as I serve and encourage others also facing life-changing events. “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.” (Psalm 46:1 KJV)
Peace be still.
Now, some two and a half years later, the sea has changed. The raging sea of grief that tossed me in those early days, weeks, and months has slowly subsided and been replaced with the calming waters of God’s peace, power, purpose, and presence. Oh, I still have my moments, but that’s when I remind myself of the goodness of God, and because of faith in his son Jesus, I can live in hopeful grief.
Labor with the Creator 