“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28)
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11 NIV)
“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.” (Psalms 46:1 KJV)
“This is why you came here, to drive,” were the words echoing in my spirit as I sat in the company car, angry, discouraged, feeling sorry for myself, and wanting to quit. Two weeks had passed since I was demoted from my office job as a lead back to a driver. Honestly, my demotion was no surprise, but it still caught me off guard when it happened. The demotion didn’t come because I had broken a company policy or was a bad employee. Neither did it happen because they didn’t like me; that was part of the problem. They did, but felt that, as a lead/manager, I was too nice, too soft! They wanted more toughness and accountability with the drivers, and I didn’t want to babysit! So when I arrived for work that morning, ready to fulfill my duties as a lead, I quickly learned, after two and a half years of lead duty, that I had been placed back into the driver’s seat. No notice, no meeting, no nothing. Decision made, take it or leave it. At that moment, I was angry. As the days passed, I struggled to come to grips with the demotion. I felt like a complete failure, having let so many people down, especially my family. It was challenging and embarrassing trying to explain how a grown man lost his lead position and was now back to clicking seat belts. Not to mention my loss in pay!! Ouch! I thought of quitting. But I enjoyed driving; It was my therapy, and I enjoyed working for the company.
Looking back, God, in all his knowledge and wisdom, knew in a few months the storm that was coming that would change my life forever. He knew where I needed to be, so he placed me back in the driver’s seat. Now I see clearly: driving became a big part of my healing journey. It gave me moments of solitude to reminisce, grieve, and find encouragement through experiences and conversations with passengers that would never have been possible working in the office. Case in point, one day after dropping off a passenger, I was near the church (Hamilton Park United Methodist in Dallas) where Ursula and I were married. I drove into the parking lot and, for a few moments, reminisced about our wedding day as I grieved her loss. Another time, I was across the street from the Verizon Campus in Irving, Ursula’s final workplace. Like so many times before, I drove into the circular driveway in front of the building, reminiscing about how she would walk out, wearing her printed blouses, leggings, and a couple of Coach ID Lanyards around her neck, as she stepped up into the truck, and we would go have lunch. Or being staged in the shopping center parking lot (the company Service Merchandise is no longer in business), where we purchased our wedding rings. These, as well as many other moments, gave me time to reminisce, reflect, and grieve.
Emmanuel: “God with us.” In every moment of our lives, the peaks and valleys, the good, bad, and the ugly, God is with us. During the darkest moments of our lives, our all-knowing, all-wise, and all-loving Father hasn’t left us, abandoned us, or forsaken us, and, in the midst of our pain and uncertainty, still loves us and has a plan for us. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11 NIV) After killing an Egyptian, Moses fled Egypt and spent 40 years in exile in Midian as a shepherd. It was there, on the backside of the mountain, some 40 years later, in a shepherd role, that God’s purpose was revealed to him. God appeared to him in a burning bush and instructed him to “go back” to Egypt to lead the Israelites out of slavery. This return to the place of his past failure was necessary for him to fulfill his future calling as a leader.
The nine months before Ursula’s passing were my Midian, my backside-of-the-mountain experience. God allowed every setback, closed door, and revelation to serve as the foundation on which my calling, my purpose, and my destiny would later be revealed. “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28) He didn’t say: “Wow, didn’t see that coming, or pat me on the head and say Good luck with that.” No, in my journey of loss and grief, anger, and uncertainty, God revealed my message and mission: “Life doesn’t end when your spouse dies. You aren’t given a death sentence but life to live, love to give, laughs to share, lessons to learn, and people to serve.” Amazingly, God has turned my darkest days and moments of grief into a remarkable strength to serve and encourage others also facing life-changing events. “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.” (Psalms 46:1 KJV)
Labor with the Creator 